Freaky Tuesday
by Cucumber
Summary: What happens when Kyouya and Haruhi switch bodies with Hikaru and Kaoru.


**This takes place sometime in the middle of the anime.**

**

* * *

**Haruhi woke up but didn't open her eyes. She felt an arm lying across her chest and she was afraid to see that it was her dad's, having come home drunk last night and gotten into her bed by accident. But she didn't smell any alcohol, so she opened one eye. She didn't see her father's long brown hair, though, but short lighter brown hair.

Could her father have gotten his hair cut and dyed without telling her about it? Haruhi wondered. So she opened the other eye . . . and saw that the figure was not her father but one of the Hiitachin twins!

Haruhi nearly jumped out of her skin, but she was afraid to move. She couldn't understand what Hikaru or Kaoru (sleeping and with his hair mussed, Haruhi couldn't tell which one it was) was doing in her bed. When she looked around, though, she saw that she wasn't in her own room at all! What was she doing in the Hiitachins' bed?!

What on earth had happened last night? Haruhi couldn't remember anything about it out of the ordinary—she'd gone home, eaten dinner, done her homework, waited for her dad to come up, but went to bed before he did. Could someone have put something in her food? Had the host club kidnapped her?

If this was some kind of elaborate practical joke, it was over right now. Today was a school day and Haruhi had no intention of being late.

"Um, Hikaru? Wake up," Haruhi said, prodding at the arm over her chest. When all she got in response was a mumbled "Leave me alone," Haruhi pushed the arm off her. Then she sat and gave the figure a good poke in the side. The alarm clock on the nightstand said seven o'clock. School started in an hour.

"If you don't wake up now, Hikaru, I'll just go to school without you," she said.

"Mmm," the figure said, then added: "Hikaru?!"

Haruhi interpreted that to mean that she'd named the wrong twin. "Kaoru, I'm sorry, this is just a really weird prank. So, please get up and tell me what's going on."

"Kaoru?!" the figure said, then: "Haruhi?!" He sat bolt upright, his eyes wide and staring. He blinked a few times and looked over at Haruhi. He said: "This is all very flattering, Kaoru, but I don't swing that way. Imitating Haruhi's voice isn't going to change anything."

Imitating my voice? Haruhi thought. I'm not imitating my own voice. But then she realized that the voice coming out of the twin's body was not Hikaru's or Kaoru's, but Kyouya's.

"Kyouya-_senpai_?" she said wonderingly.

"Yes, of course," he said. "Who else would I be?"

Haruhi looked down at herself and saw that she wasn't an A-cup girl anymore, but a completely flat-chested boy. She ran her fingers through her hair and pulled out a few strands of short, light colored hair.

"You have to get up right now, _senpai_," she said urgently.

But Kyouya had already flopped back down on the bed. "Have the maid lay out my uniform and the cook leave my breakfast by the door. I'll eat in the car. Wake me up in half an hour."

Haruhi grasped that somehow she and Kyouya had switched bodies with the twins. She needed to make Kyouya understand it too. At first she couldn't figure out how she'd get him out of bed (she knew he was always hypotensive when he woke up) but then she realized that if she was a boy, she could whatever she wanted.

She went and sat on Kyouya's chest.

"Get off of me," Kyouya said angrily, and tried to dislodge her, but couldn't. He opened his eyes and said, "What. Do. You. Want."

Haruhi smiled sweetly. "If you don't get up I'll tell everyone that you spent the night with Kaoru."

Kyouya closed his eyes but said in a resigned voice: "I can't get up if you're sitting on me."

Haruhi climbed off Kyouya and waited for him to sit up and get out of bed. Then she grabbed his arm and dragged him into the en suite bathroom. There, the two of them stared at their image in the full-length mirror. They both looked shell shocked. At least Haruhi was now able to recognize that she was in Kaoru's body and Kyouya was in Hikaru's.

"Well, this is unexpected," Kyouya said eventually. "Haruhi?"

"Yes, it's me, _senpai_. Any ideas on how we can get our own bodies back?"

"None at all. For now we should just go to school and make sure that the Hiitachins don't get either of us expelled."

That made sense. Well, best get a move on getting ready for school. Haruhi shooed Kyouya out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him. His voice came floating back in. "You sure you don't need any help in there?"

When Haruhi pulled down her pajama pants so she could use the toilet she realized what he'd meant. She wasn't sure what embarrassed her more: being in Kaoru's body or realizing that Kaoru was in hers.

* * *

As Haruhi and Kyouya went through their morning routines they mostly ignored each other. The twins' must have had a very different morning because the staff all gave them funny looks. At least nobody seemed to notice that their voices were different.

"Maybe only you and I can hear each other's true voice," Kyouya said after they got into the Hiitachins' car taking them to school.

They rode in silence until Haruhi admitted that she thought that maybe being Kaoru for the day could be fun.

"Ah, yes, you'll finally know what it's like not to be a commoner," Kyouya responded.

"Mmm," Haruhi said noncommittally. That hadn't been what she'd meant but she guessed it was true too.

"I won't miss wearing my glasses," Kyouya said, as though he was letting her in on a big secret.

"Why do you wear them, _senpai_? Even a commoner like myself can afford contact lenses."

"Because I don't have a standard astigmatism. It won't even respond properly to LASIK surgery. Believe me, we've looked into it."

"That's a shame," Haruhi said sympathetically. "I only got my contacts last year, so I know what it's like."

It was interesting, she thought, to see that there were some things that even money couldn't buy.

* * *

"You're going to have to come to class with me," Haruhi said when they got out of the car. Kyouya looked pained.

As they walked across campus, people were staring and whispering. It was very unpleasant and Haruhi wondered if the twins had to endure this every day. If they did, she could completely understand why they'd retreated into their own little world.

Kyouya, however, interpreted the looks differently. "The staff was like this at the Hiitachin home," he whispered in Haruhi's ear. "People can tell that we're acting out of character."

He slipped an arm around Haruhi's waist. She felt very weird about this and wanted to pull away but she could immediately see a change in people's looks. The stares were turning into quick glances, and the whispering stopped. Haruhi rested against Kyouya as they walked. It was still weird, but also comforting. She wasn't used to being this tall and the ground seemed awfully far away. But Kyouya wouldn't let her fall.

* * *

When they got to Haruhi's classroom, they hung back a little. Kyouya wasn't much in the mood to retake a class from last year and Haruhi was afraid of seeing her body with Kaoru inside it. Class was going to start in a few minutes, so they went in. Instead of sitting in Hikaru and Kaoru's seats, they huddled by the windows as Haruhi had seen them do.

Then Haruhi's body came in. She walked up to Kyouya and Haruhi. "Good morning, Hikaru, Kaoru," she said in Kaoru's voice.

"Kaoru!" Haruhi gasped.

"That's your name, dear brother. Don't wear it out," Kyouya said.

"Hikaru wouldn't say something like," Kaoru said in a low, sad voice. "But it's a nice try."

"How are you, Kaoru? I mean, Haruhi?" Haruhi asked with genuine concern. Looking at herself was very confusing. It was a boy inhabiting the body of a girl pretending to be a boy. She felt a little sick to her stomach.

"I feel so alone," Kaoru said, staring at the floor. "It's not that Hikaru and I have never been apart before, but this is different. Though I suppose this is good practice for the future when we'll eventually have to go our separate ways."

"We'll switch our bodies back as soon as we can, I promise," Haruhi said.

Kaoru smiled gently but bleakly. "I hope so."

* * *

Class went by fairly uneventfully. Kyouya, Haruhi, and Kaoru were unusually quiet, not wanting to say anything that would give themselves away. Not that anyone would believe that they'd switched bodies, so there was no point in giving people the impression that they all had developed mental illnesses overnight.

As soon as class was over, Kaoru blurted out, "Hikaru!" then raced out without waiting for Kyouya and Haruhi.

"That's sure to start rumors, especially since Hikaru is standing right here," Kyouya said to Haruhi.

"Thank you, dear brother," Haruhi said through gritted teeth. She didn't want people thinking that there was something going on between her and Hikaru.

"No, thank _you_," Kyouya said. He pulled Haruhi into an embrace and traced the line of her jaw with his fingers. A couple of their female classmates squealed in delight. The teacher looked on disapprovingly.

"We don't want to be late for the host club," Haruhi said calmly but inwardly she was roiling with emotions, which didn't end as they walked down the hall holding hands.

It was literally Hikaru's and Kaoru's bodies that were holding hands, but really it was Kyouya holding hers, and she found that she liked it. She didn't know how Kyouya felt. Did he like it too or was he just playing along for realism's sake? It must have been realism, surely. Surely? And even if he did like her, it wouldn't be to his benefit to get involved with her. As he'd reminded her in the car that morning, she was only a commoner.

* * *

When they got to the Music Room, Haruhi was pretty upset at seeing Kaoru and Hikaru in each other's arms, in hers and Kyouya's bodies. Honey and Mori stood off to the side, gaping. At least Tamaki hadn't arrived yet, since he liked to be fashionably late. Haruhi wanted to tell the twins to cut it up, but she'd been rendered speechless too.

Kyouya had been too, but in a different way. He started laughing so hard that he was clutching his stomach. Then he fell down and pounded on the floor, laughing. "I hope someone gets a picture of this!" he said between gasps for breath.

That snapped Haruhi out of her stupor. She marched up to the twins and tapped herself on the shoulder and snapped, "That's enough of that!"

But before they could react, Tamaki made his grand entrance. He was immediately incensed.

"What are you doing to our dear daughter!" he yelled. "Unhand her at once!"

Kaoru and Hikaru exchanged a glance. Haruhi didn't like the spark of mischief that she thought she saw pass between them.

"Are you sure about that, boss?" Hikaru said.

"Of course I'm sure!" Tamaki raged. "And since when do you call me 'boss,' Kyouya?" Tamaki paused, then laughed merrily. "Good joke! You got me. Now, cut it out!"

"Okay, boss, whatever you say," the twins said in unison. Haruhi groaned to herself and Tamaki looked a little uncertain, but thankfully the twins broke their embrace.

Mori and Honey sat down at a table. Mori cut for himself and Honey slices of cake but only he ate his. Then he took another slice, which was unusual for him. Honey just sat there with his fork poised over his plate.

"Am I the only person acting normal today?" Tamaki said. He brushed his hair out of his eyes. "No matter, your king is still here to guide you on the right path."

This made Kyouya burst out laughing again. Tamaki turned red and curled up in a ball in the corner muttering about a plot to drive him insane and steal the throne.

Haruhi went up to the twins. "Maybe we could ask Nekozawa if he could cook up a spell to put us back in our bodies," she said in a low voice.

She assumed that after Kaoru's despair that morning the twins would jump at a solution but judging by their silence they had realized how much havoc they could wreak, so that made it well worth it to stay in Kyouya's and Haruhi's bodies for at least a little while longer.

Haruhi sighed and accepted that she'd have to put up with this nonsense for the rest of the day, but surely by tomorrow they'd be begging Nekozawa to fix them. After all, they couldn't spend the night together if they weren't in their own bodies. Or so Haruhi hoped.

* * *

The clients came trickling in and most requested Tamaki, as usual, but a whole group came in asking for the twins. "Remember that we need to act like them," Kyouya whispered in Haruhi's ear. Just that whisper was enough to send some of the girls into mini-raptures.

Eventually all the hosts and clients were sorted out and seated around tables, having their tea and cake. Haruhi could see Kaoru looking perfectly at ease with the clients that had requested her—none of them seemed to think that she was acting odd. Good thing she hadn't switched bodies with Hikaru. He never would have been able to pull it off.

Kyouya didn't have any requests, so Hikaru was sitting on the couch looking twitchy and bored.

"Notebook!" Haruhi hissed at him. At first he didn't know what she was talking about, but then he remembered he was supposed to be pretending to be Kyouya. He pulled a notebook out of his bookbag and started scribbling in it. Kyouya didn't look happy about this, but he ignored it.

He and Haruhi tried to act like the twins, finishing each other's sentences and talking in unison. It didn't quite work out at first and the girls gave them funny looks. Even Haruhi gave Kyouya a funny look when he ended one of her sentences in a way that she completely did not agree with.

After that they made more of an effort to start sentences that were obvious where they were going. Toward the end of the hosting period they really got the routine down pat and Haruhi felt like she could relax. She also felt like she and Kyouya were on the same wavelength, something she'd never felt with him before, or anybody else, really. For a moment she felt jealous of the twins and their closeness.

Haruhi was so wrapped up in these thoughts that she fell silent. Kyouya immediately noticed. He took her hand. "Are you all right, dear brother?" he asked.

"Huh?" Haruhi said dimly, barely registering what Kyouya had said.

"You couldn't possibly be thinking about someone else, with me sitting right next to me, could you?" Kyouya said in a jealous tone. When Haruhi didn't answer, he nudged her leg under the table. When she still didn't answer, he kicked her in the shin.

"Hey!" she said. Then quickly added, "I mean, no, of course not, Hikaru. Never." She pulled Kyouya close and murmured, "You know you're the only one I ever think about."

"I'm the same way," Kyouya said, looking at Haruhi's lips like he was about to kiss her.

Haruhi ducked her head slightly. "We mustn't show our love like this in public," she said.

The girl shrieked over this display. It broke the mood slightly and they all went back to their tea and cake.

But then suddenly Kyouya glanced over at Hikaru. "Poor Kyouya," he said. "He looks so lonely over there. Let's invite him to join us."

Haruhi gave Kyouya a "what do you think you're doing" look, but he ignored her. He went over to Hikaru, grabbed the notebook out of his hand and tossed it behind the couch. "No studying during host club hours!" he said gleefully.

He then pulled Hikaru over to their table, Hikaru protesting all the way. Haruhi wasn't sure if these were real or fake protests, but once Kyouya started ruffling his hair and pawing at him, the protests turned genuine. The girls, however, were over the moon. Seeing Kyouya, the cool one, lose his cool was a treat not to be missed!.

* * *

The host club hours were finally over. Hikaru and Kaoru made their way toward each other but stopped when they saw Tamaki's look. So they all headed for their respective classrooms. Kyouya and Haruhi walked hand in hand, which Haruhi was now perfectly used to. Kaoru trailed behind them. When they got to class there were tears in his eyes.

"Are you all right?" Haruhi asked Kaoru for about the millionth time that day. She was truly concerned about how this was affecting him.

"Yes, I'm all right," Kaoru answered. "Only, how often do you get the chance to literally stand outside yourself? Watching you two play me and Hikaru, it's incredible. So beautiful."

Did this somehow imply that she and Kyouya were a beautiful couple? Haruhi wondered.

And then soon the school day was over and they still hadn't switched back, so they all went back to their fake homes. Kyouya and Haruhi's ride back to the Hiitachins' house was more comfortable than their morning ride to school but Haruhi didn't let Kyouya touch her. "There are no girls around to impress," she said and Kyouya shrugged. He didn't try to touch her again.

They did Hikaru and Kaoru's homework and finally it was time for bed. Kyouya changed quickly and got into bed. Haruhi lingered in the bathroom for some time. When she came out she stood at the foot of the bed.

"You're not going to be a gentleman and sleep on the floor, are you, Kyouya?" she said. It was more of a statement than a question.

There was a pause when they both registered that Haruhi had called Kyouya by his name and not with his honorific. But Kyouya merely said, "Haruhi, we're in the twins' bodies. You're safe, I promise."

This was true, Haruhi thought, so she acquiesced. Also because she didn't want to sleep on the floor. Still, when she got into bed she stayed as far to the edge as she could. When Kyouya reached for her she almost fell out.

"You promised I'd be safe," she said in a hurt voice.

"You are. This is how the twins sleep," Kyouya said softly.

Sleeping with Kyouya's arms around her would be very different than simply sleeping in the same bed as him, wouldn't it? Haruhi wondered. Or was she simply making an arbitrary distinction? Haruhi had never slept with a boy before, even platonically, so it was pretty disconcerting that her first would be Kyouya . . . _senpai_. Would she ever be able to look him in the eye again?

It would be easy enough for them both to be stubborn about this, staying up, waiting for the other person to fall asleep. But Haruhi was so tired and tomorrow was a school day. She didn't want to be up all night. So she scooted back into Kyouya's arms. She was tense for a moment, but when Kyouya didn't try anything, she relaxed.

"Good night, Haruhi," Kyouya said.

"Good night, Kyouya," Haruhi said.

Haruhi fell asleep wishing the night would never end.

* * *

Haruhi opened her eyes. She was alone in her own bed. She got out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror. She was herself in her own bathroom. And she was glad. But she was also lonely. Her dad was still sleeping. He must have had a hard night last night, she thought, and hoped that Kaoru hadn't done anything inappropriate.

But really, had yesterday really happened? Could she really have been in someone else's body? She called Kyouya on his cell phone, quickly apologizing for the earliness of the hour.

"Well, this is an unexpected call," Kyouya asked, yawning.

"Is it really?" Haruhi asked, confused.

Kyouya laughed. "No, of course not really. We need to get to the bottom of what happened yesterday. I know you and I didn't do it. That means the twins had to be behind it."

"I don't think it was them, _senpai_," Haruhi said, falling back into her usual pattern of speech around Kyouya. "They seemed more upset about it than either of us did."

"You're always thinking of other people's feelings," Kyouya said in an oddly bitter tone that Haruhi couldn't interpret.

"Mmm," she said. Then added: "I called to ask you if anything that happened between us was real."

"Not really," Kyouya said.

"So it was all just an act, then, _senpai_?"

"Yes, it seemed appropriate under the circumstances."

"Oh," Haruhi said. She didn't remind him that he'd tried to hug her in the car or that they'd slept arm in arm when nobody else around. How could those things just been an act? But Kyouya sounded so definite.

She admitted to herself that this was probably because she'd acted so resistant to him both of those times. There was no sense in opening himself up to her emotionally if he didn't think she would reciprocate.

If only she had another chance, she would do things differently . . . but . . . if she and Kyouya started dating, it would change everything.

"I'll see you later in school, _senpai_," Haruhi said and hung up the phone, ashamed of her cowardice.


End file.
